99¢ iTunes Rental Review: “Love, Rosie” (2014)

I can’t fully explain why I am posting this, except that it sounded kind of fun to review some entertainment that I didn’t xoxo::::LoOoOoVe:::xoxo. So far, my posts have mostly been devoted to films, television shows, and books that I really enjoy. That’s a lot of pressure. I truly want to share my love of something with the world my three friends who also post here. But not this time. This is one of those impulse choices. I often peruse the iTunes movie rental page to see what their weekly 99¢ movie rental is and maybe once a month or so I rent a movie from them that way. It’s like a mix between Netflix and RedBox. Maybe? Idk. But that just-shy-of-a-dollar price tag lures me to watch recent-but-not-the-newest films.

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Recently, I chose to download and watch Love, Rosie (2014) with Lily “Great Eyebrows” Collins and Sam “Finnick Odair” Claflin. If you hold much stock by reviews, it’s currently rocking a 26% on Rotten Tomatoes. I was fully aware of this when I chose to watch it. (I’m nothing if not brave bored.)

Side note: It also stars Sharon Osborne as the “quirky bff”.

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Its main selling point, besides its two comely and nubile stars, is that its based on a novel from the author of P.S. I Love You. If you wondered if the postal service and letters were involved, your suspicions were correct! Correspondence is critical to love stories, so I’m told.

Anyways, this is a pretty lame yet innocuous film. I was never mad at it. I never really questioned my sanity for watching it. I just watched it, got bored a few times, questioned its music choices a few times, thought the stars were attractive, and didn’t regret wasting two hours and ninety-nine cents on it.

Tbh, I was mostly enthralled by Lily Collins’ tears. Or, to be more precise, her “post-crying-but-still-beautiful-with-pink-rimmed-eyes” look.

(By this point you may already know, but, due to the fact that I’m an emotionally-stunted robot, I am slightly obsessed with crying scenes on film and television.)

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In this movie, 99% of the time, Lily Collins is either: about to cry, is crying, has just cried, or is slightly watery due to an excess of emotion (whether good or bad).

Her crying make-up varies in intensity, obvs.

Here is a “not-quite-a-cry-but-moist-eyes” look. Her eyes are suspiciously watery—in an attractive way, don’t get me wrong. (Also, those brows! Killer.)C-0xGhjzSB0

Here, we have a tearful goodbye. Not the best shot, but you can probably imagine.

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Here she is, about to cry again as she reads a love letter. Even from this angle, I think we could categorize her look as tremulous. On the verge of tears.

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Here, she’s in her guise as a single-mom. See the slightly messy hair haphazardly pinned back, and accompanying boring blouse? Those are clues!

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Weepy she may be, but a Carrie-Mathison-crier she is not. Honestly, this (below) is the ugliest crying she does, and it’s at her father’s funeral, so it’s also legit. Still, here, her skin is primarily porcelain with only pink around her eyes.

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Here, much more composed and lovely, her eyes are just barely watering while thinking about life. Life, man.

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And she’s about to cry below, too, thinking about shit at a wedding.

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Weddings are emotional, though. Especially when they’re accompanied by dramatic “best friend but I’m in love you” pronouncements. Don’t get your hopes up, this is not a My Best Friend’s Wedding type of flick. (Seriously, though, how crazy is it to think about My Best Friend’s Wedding now? Like, Julia Roberts was seriously unlikable at times. And she ends with her gay bestie. Effin groundbreaking.)

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Though, nothing, NOTHING, holds a candle to her in this scene. My god. Those pink-rimmed-via-cosmetics eyes are a damn sight to behold. Holy shit. I bow down. I don’t think a pink “smoky” eye has ever looked sweeter.

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There you have it! That’s all you need to know!

Lily Collins’ got 99 problems, but an ugly-crying-face aint one of em.

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One thought on “99¢ iTunes Rental Review: “Love, Rosie” (2014)

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