GoT: A Bed, a Betrothal, and a Beheading (or… Ep. 503, High Sparrow)

This, the third episode of the season, is kind of a big deal for anyone who reads the books and watches the show. I, for one, like the deviation from the book storyline. It makes sense and it should be exciting. Anyways. I’m not really much of a comprehensive recap-er. You can get good ones here here here here and here and approximately 5,367 other places. I, however, remain undaunted and shall share my observations and include pretty pictures.

Arya 4We start with our girl Arya again who is pulling a Cinderella and not loving it. I’m not sure she’s one for mundane housework, but, sure, everyone has to work their way up the corporate assassin ladder.

We get right into one of the major GoT themes—the tension between an inherited identity and an assumed identity. (Not to mention all of the temporary ruses and obscured identities.) For the Stark offspring, their lives have become all about repressing their names, inheritances, expectations, etc. Jon Snow had to shed his Snowy-Stark loyalty to become a man of Night’s Watch. Now Arya, too, must exorcise who she was. Even more than Jon Snow. She must unbecome (as it were) everything that is Arya Stark in order to become no one. Arya 3

And, shit. She just about breaks my heart. I mean, she is to damned tough season after season and she has survived so much (it helps to be a tinsy bit of a psychopath who can kill at such a young age). But, damn, the way she is pressured to peel away everything from her past hurts even me.

Then we jump to the high point of the episode, in terms of levity and snark.

Obviously, this means Cersei and Margaery are front and center.

First, the most low-key wedding we’ve had?

Wedding 2

We are then blessed with an extended post-nuptial sexytime in bed scene ye old crone Margaery and her child bride Tommen.

After bangin’, Tommen delivers several classic ’80s teen movie “nerdy boy gets laid” lines:

It all happened so fast!


This is all I want to do all day, every day, for the rest of my life.


Do you like to sail? … Me too!

Yay for boning and bonding!

Although, the Margaery-Tommen dynamic with Margaery as both the sexually dominant one and any boy’s fantasy reminded me a bit of Weird Science.

238680.1 Ilan-Mitchell-Smith-in-Weird-Science-3-31-8-10-kc

But. Whatever.

Go Tommen! Get yo’ manhood on!

We also get a nice third-degree Cersei burn…

“Do you think she is intelligent? I can’t quite tell.”

…before Cersei forces herself to pay a visit to her new daughter-in-law, da new QUEENBOSSLADY.

They do the ol’ frenemy do-si-do. I almost felt like Cersei was being a touch vulnerable and sincere as she navigated the changes to her life as a mother.

Kings Landing Cersei and Marg

Then—cut to the dark and dreary north—there are skinned bodies, Boltons, a blushing bridegroom… etc.

But, first, enjoy this gorgeous vista.

Brienne and PodMmmmmm, so tasty! (And, yes, there’s a bit of a Marlboro Man vibe with the man on a horse silhouette thing happening. No complaints here, though.)

Yeah. So, hmm. Storylines and storylines… what else is important?  Right about then, we get a nice Littlefinger/Sansa moment where he’s all, you’re still a Stark, my child, and “dying your hair doesn’t change that.” (No comment on how hair color is changed at this time and in this world… magic? Science?)

Peter and sansa 2So, as a Stark, she must … A) do what she is told B) marry against her will C) live surrounded by enemies D) suffer in silence E) all of the above.

But, maybe—just maybe—she’s learned enough in the Petyr Baelish School for Political Intrigue and she will be able to out-wile the bastards occupying Winterfell


Oh, Pod and Brienne have a nice chat in which she sheds—with Pod’s help—her physical layers of armor while also (wait for it) shedding her emotional layers of armor and shares stories from her teen years. I see what you did there, GoT!

Vewy twicky.

And of course (OF COURSE!) Brienne has a Carrie-at-the-prom moment in her past where the popular boys made her feel like the belle of the ball but, plot twist!, they were lying and it was all big joke and nobody liked her and everybody thought she was just so gross (although Brienne was saved by the kindness of Renly).

Screen Shot 2015-04-28 at 12.22.21 AMLet’s see. After #girltalk about prom, we check in at Castle Black.

Diplomacy. Enemies. Mentors. Life is hard.

Arya then calls some chick a cunt. Which, yes.

Hmmm then some awkward/dreary moments when Sansa returns to Winterfell. Lil Bolton was on his best behavior to meet his betrothed. (We’ll see how long that lasts.)

What else do I care about?

A beheading!!

Castle BlackBYEEEEEEE!

This reminded me of a much more badass beheading on Vikings recently. Do you guys remember? It was a Behanding-Beheading! How great and gruesome was that?!?

360b375f923c4444c434f9dc85c72b42Back to Snowy Stark Lord Commander… I honestly felt like he wasn’t going to do it. I thought he’d grant mercy. But then BAM.

1227331604811639625Beheading is a tough job, but somebody’s got to do it.

Also, back to King’s Landing! (Oy vey. I’m getting whiplash from all of these scene changes…)

The naughty ol’ High Septon got caught with his pants down and public shamed.

This is when we finally get to see the man for whom the episode is named, the ol’ bird.

Tyrion continued to be annoying because he’s sick of Varys and his lack of hair.

And then there’s this chick. Hey! Where’d she come from?

VolantisThen, because it’s Tyrion, we have the need… the need… for prostitutes!!

But Tyrion has issues (#patricide) and needs to ask a doctor if Cialis is right for him.

Then, Jorah Mormont.

I’m tired.

That’s all now.

Looking forward to this next week:

Next week scene

One thought on “GoT: A Bed, a Betrothal, and a Beheading (or… Ep. 503, High Sparrow)

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