Longer Ride

A few dispersed thoughts to add to Swells’ fantastic review of The Longest Ride

Oona Chaplin is so pretty it actually makes me quite angry.

Oona-Chaplin

As Swells pointed out, Nicolas Spark’s favorite trope of ‘different worlds’ means that both characters are white, but one is rich, the other poor (but not *gross* poor. Noble poor if you will). In The Longest Ride, only one of the four main characters is a WASP, making this Nicholas Sparks’ equivalent of The Wire.

There was a noticeable lack of ‘kissing in the rain’ scenes, a trope in other Nicholas Sparks movies so frequently used I assumed it was written into the contract. Yet the central sex scene (hot, monogamous and discreetly edited) takes place in the shower. This leads to the inevitable conclusion that Nicholas Sparks can only maintain an erection in the presence of falling water.

I know that everyone is all bothered about Scott Eastwood, but cast an eye to Jack Huston, the best part about Boardwalk Empire. #RIPRichardHarrow

There is much to recommend Scott Eastwood, namely Abs and Forearms. Not acting. He’s charming enough though.

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Although he says some dumb ass things about nepotism.

By my count, Alan Alda’s character would be, assuming he was 18 when he enlisted in the army in 1941, 91 years old.  Which, sure, he looks old, but all I’m saying is that Nicolas Sparks better start romanticizing the Korean War real quick if he wants this gravy train to continue.

Alan Alda is a God damn national treasure.

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Alan Alda made me cry. I’m only human.

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3 thoughts on “Longer Ride

  1. Christina raises some excellent points about the acting and the rain. Although Sparks does make liberal use of rain in this tale, it is not necessarily attached to love-making.

    Liked by 2 people

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